It’s been a long journey!
Getting prepared mentally for this communication has not been easy, however…part of what makes it easier to express is the following little anecdote which I would like to share with you:
My late father used to train boxers at the YMCA before the arrival of my sister and I. We went with him to a few tournaments as youngsters and listened to boxing regularly on the radiogram. (There was no TV when we were very young- unbelievably!).
The trainer would take up a position in the corner with a towel draped over his shoulder. The towel has 2 functions – one to wipe down the boxer between rounds and the second a more important role but a very difficult one for the trainer to undertake.
You see the trainer has spent hours preparing his boxer and wants him to do the very best. He wants his boxer to fight to the end. The boxer also wants to continue to the end, he has trained and is focused to deliver.
The trainer however must balance his desire to see his boxer succeed with the much bigger responsibility to “throw” the towel into the ring when he sees that his boxer is “taking a beating”, is in danger of being hurt or has given all that he has and has nothing in reserve.
The decision that rests on the shoulders of the trainer is a decision that rests with each one of us in different ways and in different aspects of our life.
I had to face that decision earlier in 2015. I re-joined DSM close to 5 years ago and have spent a lot of personal time and energy trying to help steer, build, “challenge” and adapt to the Dyneema way while applying my own brand of humor and passion in everything I do.
With the diagnosis of MS (Multiple Sclerosis) in December 2015 I was confronted with a harsh reality that Life – certainly as I had come to accept it would be very different moving forward. True to expectations the proceeding months and treatments have had their difficulties. Conditions from the Lobster red glow to the paralyzed snail have been the new “normal” but … the human spirit is strong and I have made it my mission to beat this scourge.
The last relapse in 2017 meant that I spend more time working from “Chez Ingber” than B170. This flexibility allowed me to continue “fighting” from the security of home, fully dependent on that curse we call a “WiFi” connection…
This mission has not been without challenge and it has brought many moments of reflection.
The past year(s) have seen a slowdown in more ways than one and my co-ordination, dexterity and mobility has been severely challenged. Despite this I have been fortunate enough to continue in my role with the fantastic people I call my colleagues, my family.
However; travel to customers, conferences and shows is non-existent and my infrequent expeditions to B170 take their toll in the proceeding days.
I wanted to stay to the end. But, I also have a responsibility to myself and to those I respect and love; a responsibility to accept the “throwing in of the towel” when the Trainer sees that the “boxer” has taken as much as they can take and has given as much of themselves as is possible with the tools they have.
It was therefore a very hard decision to take but I am hereby accepting that my battle is fought, the towel is in the ring.
My stay here in Dyneema has been rewarding in so many respects. I have joined a fantastic family that has helped me learn a lot more about myself; the “power of silence” 😊, “patience” ☹, put me back on track when I was wrong, supported our Aquaculture dreams and shared in our successes.
To say that I will miss it is a massive under-statement but the memories created can never be erased.
I do however firmly believe “as always” that in everything I need to always ask – “what can I learn from the experience” and “what can I impart from myself “.
The answer is that I have honestly learned much about myself that I perhaps didn’t know or didn’t acknowledge and secondly that I have given more than I took.
Dyneema is a fantastic group of Dreamers and Realists, which brings another little philosophical anecdote:
- If you do not GO AFTER what you want you will never achieve it
- If you do not ASK the answer will always be NO
- If you do not STEP FORWARD you will always be in the SAME place
I will surely miss everything from the sending of the “Thoughts for the Day” to the comradery that has been present from Day 1.
And so, it is with a (very) heavy heart that I must say adieu!
“Amor Fati – “Love your fate”, which is in fact your life. -Friedrich Nietzsche.
The view from the window; my last year’s reflections through the eyes of Jake (-the Destroyer), my room-mate!